Wednesday, October 10, 2012
AFGO***
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| outside my window |
So once a year is better than none. It is amazing to me how in my own little warped mind, I am in the belief that my blog is always current. I did enjoy reading the old ones. Almost like news to me.
Oh where oh where did my bloggie go?
It is also amazing to me how little changes in my life.
More amazing is how I hold the belief that I am always doing things differently. Amazing Grace.
Any of those blogs could be posted today, even my birthday one, although I am now 2 year older.
OH WELL. I guess I could consider myself fortunate to have been given such a long and healthy life. I TRULY CONSIDER MYSELF FORTUNATE, not always been the case.
Here is the problem. All the things I put down on my todotoday list remain exactly the same , with about twenty additional projects on the list each year.
I have been given AFGO* ... exquisitely painful ... from which I could NOT escape . even with all my skills of denial, manipulation, big words, little words, smiles, compliments, etc. I was unable to get away from the hugest lesson of my life. I was unable to get away from ego myself.
Long story short ... This lesson came in the form of a 69 year old male who brags he is "full of the Holy Spirit" manager of my apartment building, whom I JUDGE to be racist, liar, rude, manipulative, lazy, intimidating, crude, sexist, blah, blah, blah. Never follows through, the place is a disaster. Even safety as well as cleanliness issues. I took pictures of some of the problems.
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| lovely garden |
When i complained to the property managers/owners the fact that the stove/hood fan did not work when I moved in 2 years ago and after many promises on his part it had not been fixed. . He was furious.This led to some very ugly behavior and guess what... He then proceeded to call me EVIL. It was terrible. The things I reported were true so I am innocent there. Almost. I believed I was stuck living here. I was a victim. Lots more to the story. He claims he can see through people like glass AND I AM EVIL. The question is, why did it bother me so much.
Right now, I GET IT. AFGO*. It may have taken a brick in the head,as Marlene Nappa used to say, to get through this dense wounded ego but I now welcome it.
For 77 years I have lived the story "you better be good and not cause problems or you will be sent away" I decided to test it out as a lie.
Truth: I can be authentic, in my truth and act with integrity AND still have the right to be.
I am moving out. My choice. With peace.
To a wonderful place the universe placed on Craig's list for me as well as a new office space and a new commitment to take action on at least 2,956 items on my list. I am divesting of almost all my material possessions and moving into a furnished studio apt. as well as renting a fabulous office. I am working with several people in structuring my workshops and publishing at least one of the three books I have started ... in a year. I am open to being in connection with my friends. I commit to be consciously aware of every breath. If you believe that one, you must be watching too much news on politicians.
While there are many ways in my life where I have not been totally authentic and perhaps out of integrity ... finances, follow through, procrastination on and on ... I blatantly state "I am always in connection with my soul and yours as far as love and acceptance." as much as humanly possible.
So, email me if you want to know what AFGO stands for. jkpsoul@aol.com
// posted by Judith Pauly @ 7:19 AM 
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